Saturday, July 21, 2012

Oops...I Forgot an Extremely Important Fact

You know...I was so incredibly caught up in trying to remember some of the details of the meeting with the doctor that I forgot to tell you all the most important reason why I was angry with him. I was getting worried about how long the last post was, that I was trying to cut it short somehow. Well, I guess I cut it just a little too short because this was an important factor which has spurred me on through the past several years. Here it goes.

As mom asked questions of the doctor, they talked about the risks of each and every option. They discussed the benefits of one over the other and what would be the best suggested option over the others. Ultimately, the decision would be mine, and hearing the benefits and risks was helpful for me to make a decision. I just didn't make that decision too quickly or while I was still so upset.

As I sat on the table seething inside by this doctor leading our conversations by saying he would amputate my leg, mom was asking Dr. Femino questions about the option to take the hip and place in a prosthesis. I remember keeping my gaze fixed down at the floor and every few minutes or so looking up at my mom. During this exchange, I remember hearing him speak these words, "If we take the leg or perform the 'wide resection,' she will probably never walk again. Or at best she could walk with a walker."

Now that was enough to send me over the edge in anger. Not only did this guy want to take my leg completely, but now he was convinced that I was never going to walk again? Oh no he doesn't! He does not know me that well. He does not know how stubborn I am. He will not tell me what is going to happen to me or my leg. I won't have it. I'll show him. I will walk again! And, I'm keeping my leg too.

Even through my anger, I knew that God was with me and that He was watching over me. I knew He would guide me to the right decision and see I was healed. I just didn't know if t would be on this side of heaven.

How could I have forgotten to tell you this part? This is what has made me fight so hard all this time.


"Lord, how they have increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. Many are they who say of me, 'There is no help for him in God.' Selah But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill." Psalm 3:1-4

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