A Long Drive Home

City of Hope front entrance,
main (original) building.

Mom and I waited at the curbside drop-off/pick-up area in front of the main building while dad went to go get the car. Mom and talked a little as we headed out there. My grandparents and cousins had gone ahead to a lunch destination together, hopefully waiting for the 3 of us would to join them. It was lunch time now, but my stomach wasn't really up for that. I was not really interested in going out to lunch as I would have to answer questions from my family and that was NOT what I wanted to do at this time.

Dad pulled the car around and we found a place for the new walker in the back. My mom climbed in the backseat and I rode next to dad up front. We take my dad's car because it is in better shape than my mom's. But, mom does't like the way dad drives (and vice-versa), so I get the pleasure of seeing the taillights of the vehicles in front of us coming at breakneck speeds before we actually feel any brakes being applied in our vehicle. Somehow he really hasn't grasped the fact that I have nothing to put my feet on to stop from sliding forward on the carseat covers, like he does with the brake. So, after every stop sign, traffic light, speed bump or freeway traffic we stop for, I continuously have to readjust in my seat out from under the seat belt I have half slid under from the stop. Fun stuff, huh? I guess that comes from 35 years of fire department truck driving.

As we pulled away from the drop-off/pick-up area of the hospital, mom called my grandfather on his cell phone. She let him know that I was not feeling like having lunch and we were heading for home. She asked that he give our cousins our love and tell them we will talk with them later about any details they want to know. After just a minute or two, they hung up.

Not much was said between the three of us as we got on the freeway. Mom was concerned for me since I was basically shutting down and not talking, she knew I was trying to process all of what just happened. Dad just focused on traffic, the temperature of the car for mom and I and the radio station he had playing. That didn't mean he didn't care though. My dad is as much of an internalizer as I am, if not more so. He is also very analytical and thinks through things before he speaks. I pretty much get those traits from him. I get my fun loving nature from my mom. So, pretty much the car was silent for the remainder of the ride home.

Our family lives about 50-60 miles from the hospital, so with major traffic, using the carpool lane, it takes about 45-55 minutes to get to the hospital or back home. After our silent ride home, I still had  nothing much to say at all. Mom and I piled out of the car while dad got my walker from the back. After unfolding it and handing it to me, I went into the house and mom followed. Dad pulled the car into the garage and followed behind us shortly. Mom asked me if I was hungry and if I wanted something for lunch. I declined and headed straight for my room.

My room in California doubles as my mom's dressing room. She has taken what used to be my closet and has built in a complete shelving unit from Container Store by Elfa. There is a shelf for EVERYTHING! There's a shelf for purses, several below for shoes that are all in their own plastic sliding boxes labeled with what they are, hooks for belts, a long bar area for hanging pants and dresses, a shorter bar area for hanging blouses and even a shelf for a small flat screen with HD cable. Mom has to be able to watch the weather forecast in the morning as she is picking out her clothing for the day. Ok, the real reason the television is there is for me. I can't live without the background noise of the television and frankly, I don't always like what dad is watching in the den (like almost never).

I got to my room and closed the door behind me as a sign that I really needed some privacy and didn't need anyone peering in. But, as mom's dressing room, that didn't really work out well for me. I got in bed and rolled over to my stomach, as I always do to give my backside a break from the pain that has been plaguing me for well over a year. I hugged the pillow turned on the television and tried to escape for a while. Mom came in and changed her clothes. She asked if there was anything I needed and after getting a resounding 'NO', left the room closing the door behind her. The stress and emotions of the day had completely overwhelmed my body and I ended up falling asleep for a couple of hours.

We're talking with my grandfather tomorrow about what happened after I woke up from my little nap.

Reflection:
"For my life is spent with grief, And my years with sighing; My strength fails because of my iniquity, And my bones waste away." Psalm 31:10