After getting back from California just before New Year's, both mom and I felt very optimistic that the Lord was working out His plan to alleviate my pain. The phone call from Dr. Wong had been completely unexpected as last we had talked, there was nothing he could do with radiation therapy. My medical oncologist and surgeon were both banking on the change in my oral chemotherapy to do the trick for the cancer on the tailbone.
So, as we began our life back in Colorado after New Year's, the first couple of days back to work seemed normal. By the end of that week, however, I began feeling nauseous and my stomach was churning a lot. Friday of that week I stayed home and slept the day away. I began feeling a little better that evening, but not enough to do anything over the weekend.
When I woke up Saturday morning, I was worse than I had been the day before. Oops, I had the flu for sure. In my physical condition, making it to the restroom was not an option. So, mom rigged a bag for me in case something came up all of a sudden. And boy it did. After several bouts that morning, my stomach wasn't feeling that great and I was down for the count for the weekend. Monday came and I was better. I went to work and felt semi okay for the day. Tuesday morning came and I was down again.
Wednesday and Thursday I went to work but took it really easy. When Friday came along, I was back in bed full time for the weekend yet again. That Monday, I took off work, as did my supervisor who had caught the bug too. We both made it through the rest of that week. But, again Saturday I was down for the count. This was going on three weeks and things were not getting better. I had been to Emergicare and my own doctor. The best I was able to get was an anti-nauseous pill and cultures to see if maybe something else was going on because it was too sporadic to be a continuation of the flu.
So, now we are waiting for the cultures to come back, but I have been to work all week. Recently, I wrote about my unexpected phone call and that I was waiting to hear if I made it through pre-screening. I received an email from my doctor asking when would be a good time to call and chat.
I received his call Wednesday morning. The company that does the pre-screening for this new procedure said that my metal back fusion and my metal hip replacements on either side (but mainly the right) make it nearly impossible for them to get a clear ultrasound stream to the location of the tailbone with the cancer, so they declined doing this procedure at all. What a let down.
Well, here we are again at square one wondering what to do about the pain as the pain meds are still not effective enough to make me comfortable.
My greatest fear (concern) is that my pain will continue to worsen and that I will not be able to sit in my specialized chair at work any longer and I would have to give up my job. I love what I do, and the thought of having to give it up because the cancer is in spot that conventional treatments cannot touch is disheartening and ridiculous. I am tired from being in pain ALL the time. I do not know what more can I do? I feel I have down more than enough to find some relief.
However, mom and I have a couple more off the beaten path treatments to hunt down before we give up completely. These may not be covered by insurance and are in locations where we would have to pay for room and board. The cost is prohibitive, but we will try anyhow. I cannot keep going on in pain like this. It is not quality life with this pain. And, I do feel a little let down by the doctors. Mom felt set aside as though the pain was nothing they really cared to deal with.
We will see what the next steps are with these other out-of-the-box treatments we are looking into. Keep thinking good thoughts and praying we find the right doctor with the right determination to fix this pain and get me back to a quality life.
Next..."Let's go back to 2009 and pick up the story again..."
"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5-7
So, I am trusting that by presenting my requests to God, He will not only hear me, but will give me peace and guard my heart and mind.
Are you struggling with a situation or circumstance that seems hopeless and has gone on far too long? If you can, share what that is with us here. I would love to be able to stand with you in prayer that God would be your peace and guard your heart and mind. You can be anonymous too if you do not feel comfortable leaving your name. You can also email me directly at email@example.com.
Peace and Grace to you all!