A 15' Angel Behind You

Today we're going back to the present day again, October 2012.


After a couple of days being in the hospital prior to surgery, the nurse (Helen) who works with my surgeon (Dr. Femino) came by to see me. She was just checking on me to see how I was doing. Mom had gone to get a cup of coffee when Helen came by.

We talked for just a couple of minutes before mom came back to my room. After peaking her head in and seeing that Helen was there we all began to talk. Helen was taking a quick break to head to a prayer group on campus. Any body was welcome to come if they knew about it. Helen offered for mom to come along. After a minute of coaxing, mom and Helen headed off to another building on campus to the prayer meeting. Meanwhile, I took a much needed nap.

Mom and Helen headed for the room where the prayer meeting was being help. The set up of this room was in small groups. Mom headed for one group and Helen headed for another. Prayer wasn't too long, it was only during the lunch hour for employees at the hospital, so it needed to go quickly.

As mom was getting up an getting ready to come back to my room following prayer, a man approached her from across the room at another small group. This man proceeded to tell my mom that while they were all praying, there was a 15 foot angel standing behind my mom the whole time. The angel had it's wings open and extended out fully. The wings were white.

Mom thought this was so incredibly cool. She thanked the man for telling her about the angel. When she returned to my room, she proceeded to tell me the story of the angel when I asked her how prayer went.

My angel watching over me.

It was a great boost of faith for my mom to have this man tell her about and describe the angel standing over her. After all we have been through as a family, it is awesome to hear how other people see the Lord's hand on our situation. We don't always see the hand of the Lord around us, but we do know that He is there. To have this man see an angel over my mom, I could only imagine what he may have seen if my father and/or I had been there.

Mom has talked about this angel several times with others around us. My hope is that those others see the hand of the Lord in their lives as well.

After a few more days, I was transferred to the rehab hospital. This was on a Monday. On Wednesday when mom and dad both came to see me in the rehab hospital, my mom brought a gift from her Liz to me. Liz had been shopping for her business and ran across a flameless candle for me. (A flameless candle is a battery operated candle which flickers as though it were a candle flame on the inside.) The great thing about this candle from Liz, was that it is an angel.

So, I now have an angel watching over me every day and night in my room. This serves as a reminder to me that God is always with me and He is keeping watch over me. I love my little angel. It may not be 15 feet tall, but it is my angel and it is fully visible for ALL see.

Next: "I'm Coming Home."

Reflection:
"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them." Psalm 34:7

A Step Up...

Taking a detour back to my story in 2009.


A long time friend of mine had been working with a friend of his for a way to get me in and out of my Jeep more easy. With my right leg being slightly shorter than my left, and not having as much strength in my right leg, it was difficult for me to get into the Jeep either as a passenger or a driver. It would take some time for me to wiggle my way into the Jeep, so it was necessary to find a better solution for me. We needed something for me to step on. Side rails!

The day I had my three wisdom teeth removed, a man from a local car dealership came to my home and  installed side rails on my Jeep to provide more leverage for me to get in. I was completely out of it when he was there as the pain pills along with the anesthesia knocked me out for the majority of the day. Mom watched him work on my car and took several pictures as the guy installed them so I could see the progress later, once I was out of my drug coma. And, of course, so my family in CA could see them too.

Why are side rails so important?

1. This was a step in the direction for me to become independent and live on my own again, alone.
2. This was going to allow me the ability to get in the driver's seat without help.
3. These were 100% paid for by the dealership and a gift to me for being a breast cancer survivor.

And, gaining my independence is just what these new side rails did. In April of 2009, my mom was able to go back to California and be home with my dad, while I stayed in Colorado with my job and my apartment.

Next: A 15' Angel...

Reflection:
"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Matthew 5:7

Question:
How has God showered you with an unexpected blessing?

Getting Encouragement

It's been 2 weeks since my hip surgery. I have been in the rehab hospital for 1 1/2 week now. I am beginning to see how much stronger I am getting and how much more stamina I have than a week ago. It is amazing how the body responds to trauma and when it is in therapy.

I cannot say it has been an easy road, though. I am being stretched in ways that I was not prepared for when I came to rehab. My false expectation was that this would be easier this time because my first surgery, rehab and recovery was so drastic. But, I am learning that there is nothing easy about surgery and recovery at all.

This rehab place is wonderful. It is not state of the art by any means, but the staff knows what they are doing and really work you hard to get you better as quickly as they can. Most of it is up to you by how hard you are willing to work. I am working hard to make sure I can leave on time and in great shape. So, I am getting better day-by-day. Today, I got to have my staples removed. The area around 2 of the staples was irritated, but all of my incision looked great to the nurse.

When the doctor came in to see me, he had me walk. I asked him if he wanted me to walk out in the hall, and he was surprised I was willing to do that. But, after he saw how well I was walking, he was happy and impressed. All this was a great visit. He asked how long I was going to be in rehab. We talked a minute about it and came up with a plan, which I relayed to the head therapist here at rehab.

So, I will remain in rehab until they feel that I am able to get into and out of bed on my own. According to my doctor and my therapist, that won't be long.

What else?

Well, as soon as I am released to go home, we will get the both my medical and radiation oncologist for therapy. My doctor has released me to begin either or both treatments as soon as they would like to. So, by next week, I should have appointments set up with both of them to get the ball rolling.

I don't know how long the radiation therapy will be this time, but what ever it is, I can manage.

So cousins, today was a great day of encouragement you have been praying for.

Reflection:
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:4-6

Question:
Is there something in your life today where you feel like you need some encouragement? Please share it here and I'll stand in prayer with you to find that encouragement.

Managing Disappointment After Disappointment

As I digress from telling my story to date, a little glimpse into the future is what you are going to get today. I want to thank you all for the kind words and encouragement you have sent to me through this blog, facebook and by email. I will do my best to keep going even when posts, like this one, are incredibly difficult to write. My hope and prayer is that at least one person is blessed and/or challenged by my story.


For over 4 years now, I have been going through the pains of cancer, surgery, recovery, therapy and then back through the process again and again. I have not had a chance to regain much of a normal life following cancer as I would have wished. I would suspect that most women who experience breast cancer have to manage their emotions at the beginning of their journey and manage the pain during their treatment. Once they are on the road to recovery, check ups may give them great joy when they know the cancer is gone and they are in remission or are considered a survivor.

For me, check ups are often met with great despair. Most times, fear sets in and disappointment follows when the doctors tell me they have found another spot, or as they call it "lesion." This time, seeing my doctors in September, there are not any new spots (lesions) but growth of ones that have been there and a new trial of a bone fracture. How did I get a bone fracture? And where?

Last boot I got out of the car for in
Cheyenne, WY due to the pain, 8/4/12.

In August 2012, my mom and I took a day trip from Colorado Springs to Cheyenne, WY. We had a fantastic time driving around the capital town looking for all of the fundraising art "boots" at different businesses. The city really made this a fun "treasure hunt" finding all of the different boots around the town. They were amazing and bigger than life!

Toward the end of our touring the city, my left leg (the so called "good leg") became increasingly difficult to walk on and I had a tremendous amount of pain with any movement. For several weeks it was so hard to maintain a good attitude and put on my "game face" because the pain was so great.

Now that we have seen the doctors, had x-rays and a PET Scan, we know why I have had so much pain. The neck of my left hip bone has a compression fracture just below the ball and joint. All the pressure of moving and walking on it is causing more pain. The solution, surgery! I need to have a partial hip replacement to repair the portion that has been broken. That was all I needed to hear, more surgery. My first inclination was to break down crying asking God, "When is this ever going to end? I'm so tired!" Then, I want to get mad that things keep coming at me without an end to them. I get rid of one problem only to face another issue as soon as we have an answer to the one before. It seems to be a never-ending cycle. I really cry out to God for relief from this cycle. I need a break, just not "in" my body.

So, how does one manage all of the things that seem to come into your life and wreak havoc on you? The best thing that I have come up with is to remain focused on the Lord. I know it sounds like a cliche. But, I have really found it to be true. The only way I have been able to manage every disappointment and challenge that has come my way to date, is to keep going back to the Lord and telling Him how I feel. Ask Him for guidance, ask Him to intervene. And, sometimes He doesn't seem to answer with what we are looking for, but He is building character not only in me but in those around me as well.

This gives James 1:2-8 a new perspective when talking about your trials. Many people have trials that are with people, or finances, or minor health issues. Most people are not put through as many health issues and serious surgeries as I have been through in the past 4 years. The only way I have kept the "joy" going is to keep my focus on the Lord.

I encourage you to look at James 1:2-8 as an opportunity to focus on the Lord in your trials to find your joy as you go through it. Because, you are going through it!

Reflection:
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." James 1:2-8 (NKJV)

Question:
How do you manage your disappointments and trials?